Max, yes, 10,000 pieces of merch is too much. This is a band, not Costco.

Toe-Knee, nobody — I repeat, NOBODY — gets the joke about spelling your name that way. Stop explaining it, it only makes it worse.

Huracán doesn’t need 12 versions. Max, it’s called a single for a reason.

Delay once said: “Some musicians are born with their instrument attached to their hands.” Cool. But bass players, please keep your instruments attached to your hands, not your girlfriends.

Rule of stage dives: If the crowd parts like Moses and the Red Sea, it means they don’t love you enough yet. Stay on stage, Shredz.

Alexander, remember — it ain’t a real show if your amp isn’t plugged into the electricity.

Phoenix, we didn’t love daily rehearsals at your house for the music. We came to see your sister’s new outfits.

Peter, just point at the guy who messed up. Stop making faces like you’re in a telenovela. (See: Ruta 69 to R69 folder.)

Sonic, food is to eat, not to store in your pockets.

Jake, wake up. Wake up! I know it’s 3:00 a.m., but I swear this is a good idea.

Espinal, there are more than 7 notes. Not every song has to sound like the same damn riff.

Sergio, now we finally understand how dramatic you really were. Netflix was destiny.

Archer, seriously — introduce us to your sister.

Rodrigo… fuck off. Not our awesome manager Rodrigo Cuevas , but the asswipe that lied to us ( read our story)

Seek happiness, not being right all the time.

Music comes first. Always.

Fans are here to buy tickets, Delay — not to become the ticket.

JC, if Peter denied Jesus, what can we expect from you?

Poncho… if things don’t pan out, you can always jam with Doc in that bar.

Max, 7,000 of any merch item is still a lot. Stop playing Costco.

Regan: The power of Christ compels you! (Yes, we’re still laughing.)

Goku, we love that you love “Big Mama,” but 43 liters might be too much.

Mandatory rule: you must love Star Wars and rewatch before every concert.

Need visuals? Call Abenamar. Not for his talents — because he brings peyote.

Alexander, fine. Bass players ARE allowed to use the first and second string.

Everyone takes a shower before a show. Non-negotiable.

Sonic, lemons are not deodorant. Don’t be cheap.

Mr. Shredz, stop asking for a raise every week!

Toe-Knee, please — this time, actually learn how to use your new phone.

Jake, that kid in Bolivia isn’t mine!

Toe-Knee, it’s okay to date people. Stop dating your drum set… it’s cringe.

We all miss Shaq on the court. Big Fella forever!

Yes, Max — 5,000 of merch is STILL too much.

As long as we keep writing these rules, my only regret is why we didn’t call ourselves R03. Less typing.

Banano, no — bananas are not legal tender. You can’t pay bar tabs with fruit.

Phoenix, the drum solo doesn’t have to last longer than the setlist.

Max, tequila shots are not water. Stop hydrating like that before the encore.

Toe-Knee, you can’t call it “practice” if you’re 2 hours late. That’s called “catching the last song.”

Shredz, turning your amp to 11 doesn’t make you Van Halen. It just makes the sound guy cry.

Sonic, drummers can count higher than 4. Please prove it someday.

Alexander, yes — you can use the E string. It’s not a crime.

Delay, stop trying to play guitar while climbing stage scaffolding. You’re not Spider-Man.

JC, the groupie wasn’t asking for your autograph. She wanted the setlist.

Banano, stop dedicating every song to your ex. We’re running out of exes to keep track of.

Espinal, playing with your back to the crowd only works if you’re Hendrix. You’re not Hendrix.

Max, “one more song” doesn’t mean six encores.

Goku, your bass shook the walls and our hearts. The rule is simple: never forget you. Always play like Goku’s still on stage.

Sergio, crying during soundcheck is not method acting.

Shredz, breaking one guitar string is rock ’n’ roll. Breaking all six is just bad prep.

Archer, drumming shirtless doesn’t make you sound better. It just makes you cold.

Phoenix, air-drumming during interviews is not subtle. Everyone notices.

Toe-Knee, you don’t need four snare drums. Pick one and learn to love it.

Max, writing a triple album is not therapy. That’s just masochism.

Regan, keyboardists don’t get to do soundcheck for two hours. You had three notes, brother.

Banano, if you’re going to flirt mid-solo, at least finish the riff.

Delay, tuning your guitar on stage is forgivable. Doing it during “Huracán” is not.

Espinal, you don’t have to headbang during the ballad.

JC, stop trying to start side projects mid-tour. Finish this band first.

Sonic, drumming with kitchen utensils doesn’t make you innovative. It makes you a waiter.

Max, don’t tell the crowd “we love you, New York!” when we’re in Monterrey.

Toe-Knee, duct tape is not drum hardware.

Shredz, solos longer than Stairway to Heaven are punishable by silence.

Archer, stop hitting on the bartender before soundcheck. She controls your drink tickets.

Phoenix, pyrotechnics are not your responsibility.

Banano, stop using the stage monitors as trampolines.

Max, the crowd doesn’t want your political speech. They want the next song.

Espinal, playing unplugged doesn’t count as rehearsal.

Toe-Knee, stop naming your drumsticks. Nobody cares if “Stacey” broke during the chorus.

Final Rule: What happens in R69 stays in R69… until it becomes a song.